Totally Messed Chapter 6

Chapter 6
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What would happen if Link somehow managed to insult Ganondorf right to his face without the Kokiri getting needlessly slaughtered on the spot?
Wonder no more! And yes, this probably would not be possible if Ganondorf was as evil and intimidating as one could deduce. However, it's little mess ups like these that corrupted this story from the beginning.
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Link looked around at Zora's Fountain, and couldn't find Ruto anywhere. But he didn't mind this, since it only mildly unnerved him. Navi then reminded Link that he still had to bring these Spiritual Stones back to Princess Zelda. But, on his way back, he found Ruto standing by her father.

"Oh, hey, Ruto!" Link grinned, "I was wondering where you were, since you mysteriously vanished all of a sudden. Say, whatcha up to?"

"Did my most precious possession help you on your quest? Hee hee…" Ruto smiled.

"Ummm… Not yet…" Link paused, " I haven't really had a chance to use it… Anyways, will you please answer my question?"

"Did my most precious possession help you on your quest? Hee hee…" Ruto repeated.

"Errr… Navi, little help here," Link said.

"Relax, Link, she's just an NPC," Navi said, "And after a while, NPCs run out of things to say. That's what's happened to Ruto."

"NPC?" Link blinked, "What's that?"

"I have no clue," Navi sighed.

"NPC?!" Ruto snapped, "I resent that!"

"Oh, no wait, never mind," Navi said.

"The nerve," Ruto huffed, "NPC my tail!"

"You don't have a tail," Navi said.

"Oh, be quiet!"

"Well, you were repeating yourself, so, you kinda had to wonder…" Link said.

"Nonsense! Don't associate me with the stereotypes! Really! Repeating myself…" Ruto huffed, "On another note… Did my most precious possession help you on your quest? Hee hee…"

There was a long pause.

"Erm… I mean… Um… Are you doing anything over the weekend?" Ruto asked.

"Finally! A change of dialogue!" Link exclaimed.

"Excuse me?"

"Erm, uh… I mean, errr… No… Not really, I guess—" Link started.

Navi flew in front of Link's mouth, "Yes he is! First he has to go see the Princess, and then he's going to the mall in Hyrule Castle Town!!"

"Oh, and I suppose with you, then," Ruto muttered.

Navi ignored this, "And then he's going to stuff himself with all the food in their food court and he has to do all sorts of things, like carry my bags since my arms are too short, and help me get them back home, and—"

"Don't forget be the hero of Hyrule," Link added.

"Yes, that too," Navi said, "So, yes, he is busy this weekend!"

"Oh. Perhaps the weekend afterwards?" Ruto paused.

"I wouldn't keep your hopes up, princess," Navi rolled her eyes, "The frequency people exploit Link fill up his schedule rather quickly. Isn't that right, Link?"

"Ummm…" Link paused, then noticed the King, "Hi, King Zora! How's it goin'?"

"Oh, Link! So, you saved the Princess, eh? I really appreciate it," the King Zora said.

"Oh, so that's all you have to say?! 'You really appreciate it'?" Link asked, "I'll have you know that not only did I have to carry her royal highness all around Mr. Jabu-Jabu's insides, but I also had to put up with the monsters, holes, and gigantic Octopuses!! And all you say is 'I really appreciate it'!?!"

"Did I mention that I really, really appreciate it?" the King Zora replied.

"You are all insane…" Navi muttered.

"ARGGGHHHH!!!" Link bellowed.

On that note, Link stomped his way out of Zora's Domain…
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Link and Navi leapt through the waterfall, and started a trek to get to Hyrule Field.

Navi's body jolted once more, "You collected three Spiritual Stones! Let's go back to Hyrule Castle!"

Link turned to Navi, "Haven't we already decided this? And isn't that what you just told Ruto back in the domain?"

Navi turned red.

"Or is this one of those moments where you state the obvious?" Link asked.

"Oh, yes. It was," Navi sighed, "I'm sorry, Link, I'm trying to suppress it… But whenever you press the up button command, I just lose control—"

"And just what is this 'Up Button Command' anyway?!" Link grumbled.

Navi paused, "I have no clue."

Link hopped down to a platform below him, and continued walking downhill.

"Besides, who cares about going to the Castle?" Navi huffed, "I would have expected we would have gone on that shopping spree by now. What has it been? Five chapters?"

"No, I think it was just four," Link folded his arms behind his head, "After all, the shopping spree was first mentioned in chapter two…"

"Says the character who can't read," Navi said, "Bah, whatever! First we'll head to the Castle, then we'll head to the mall, and then we can continue wandering around town."

"Yay!" Link jumped in mid-stride, "I've always wanted to go to the Bombchu Bowling Alley! I've always wanted to go bowling! Navi, can we go to the Bombchu Bowling Alley?"

"No, Link," Navi said, "The last thing you need is another set of explosives. Me on the other hand…"

"Ohhhh," Link kicked a rock, "But, I like blowing things up… Why do you get to do all the fun stuff?"

"Link, never mind," Navi sighed, "Here, how about we go to this place called Bazaar? Sure we intimidated the crap out of the guy working at the till, however, if we say that the Gate Guard sent us again, then maybe we'll get more stuff for free."

"Navi, no black marketing! And besides, blackmailing people is not as fun as bowling," Link pouted, "Or blowing things up."

"Please—" Navi started.

"No," Link glared at the fairy.

And thus Link and Navi continued their way down towards the castle, bickering all the way.
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It was about noon when Link got within an accurate proximity of the Castle Gates. When he got there, the following happened.

"Ha!" Link exclaimed, "Oh, Navi, you have the funniest ideas sometimes! Really! Get a dog at night to follow me into some random lady's house, and then she'll give me a Heart Piece? What will you think of next?"

"Link, I'm serious," Navi sighed, then covered her eyes, "Anyways, I wish you would pick up the pace. It's taken us this long to get to the gates."

Link shadowed his eyes with his hand and peered ahead of them, "We are? Oh, yeah, I guess that's what the gates look like."

Navi sighed, "Yes, they do, Link. Anyways, I do wish you that you would hurry up. The sun is scorching today, and I can't wait to get into the shadows of some buildings."

"Agreed," Link groaned, "I think I'm getting sunburned…"

Link took one more step towards the Castle gates, when suddenly, the daytime sky suddenly became clouded over, and the Sun popped behind the horizon. The lamps by the gate door suddenly lit themselves, and the drawbridge pulled itself up. Link and Navi stood in stunned silence as they watched the middle of the afternoon suddenly become nightfall. It started to rain.

"What the—?" Link took a step backward, "What's going on…?"

"Hmmm," Navi paused, "That was convenient… A little too convenient…"

"Well, at least we're not getting scorched anymore," Link shrugged.

At that very moment, the gates crashed down to the ground in front of them. The end of the gate door slammed itself down upon an unsuspecting puddle. This erupted into a gigantic splash wave that engulfed our heroes. The mud-drenched Link and Navi stood in disgust as two people on a white horse whizzed by. Link peered at the two people in the distance to recognize the two vague shapes of Princess Zelda and Impa.

Link didn't quite recognize Zelda at first, since she had he hair loose for once. On her head glistened a black headband, decorated with a jewel that looked suspiciously like it belonged to a certain villain in this game. Zelda turned her head just in time to see Link, and she threw something towards him. Unfortunately for Zelda, her aim sucked, and it landed in the moat behind him.

Navi looked at the scene with a critical eye, "I have a feeling this is staged."

"Naw, that can't possibly be true," Link shrugged.

Link turned around to face the Castle Gates. There was no one there. A short silence ensued.

"Augh!" a deep voice let out from somewhere within Castle Town, "I've missed my cue, haven't I?"

"Yup," said the camera man.

After a moment of incessant swearing, a man on a black horse came galloping across the drawbridge. A man, whose face was so shrouded by evil, whose past was such a mystery, that even if one stared at him for hours, one could not tell who this man was.

"Oh, hey Ganondorf!" Link waved to the ominous figure before him.

"Link, stop contradicting the narrator," Navi said.

The ominous figure, which apparently was Ganondorf, glared at the small child, but then gazed threateningly out in the direction in which Zelda and Impa had fled. Upon closer examination, one could see that there was a small indentation right dead center in this man's forehead.

"Arg! I lost her!" Ganondorf growled.

Ganondorf snapped his head around to face Link. For the first time, Link noticed something very odd about Ganondorf, in that when he looked at Link head on, it appeared as if he had no hair. Not that he had much hair to begin with, but…

"You, over there! Little kid!" Ganondorf said.

Unfortunately for this villain, Link decided to be annoying.

"Who me?" Link asked.

"Yes you!" Ganondorf said.

"Are you sure you mean me?" Link asked.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes, "Yes, I mean you!"

"Are you really talking to me?" Link asked.

"Yes, I am talking to you!"

"Are you sure…?"

"YES, I AM SURE!!!" Ganondorf yelled, "Now will you stop with this infuriating small talk? I frankly do not have the time!!"

"Me neither," Link shrugged, "I mean, a couple minutes ago, it was the middle of the afternoon, and now it's after sunset."

"Insolent fool!" Ganondorf bellowed.

"Link, I don't think it is wise to be taunting this guy…" Navi whispered to Link.

"Oh come on, Navi," Link smiled, "Zelda stole a jewel off the center of his forehead in the second chapter! What's the worst that could happen?"

A Black Ball of powerful energy whizzed towards Link, and exploded beside him.

"Now…" Ganondorf smirked, "You must have seen the white horse gallop past just now… Which way did it go?!"

Link stood there.

"Answer me!!" Ganondorf demanded.

"Sorry, I'm pulling a page out of most of the other fanfics about Zelda games, and pretending that I'm mute," Link said.

"RAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Ganondorf bellowed.

Link took a couple steps backward.

"So, you think you can protect them from me…" Ganondorf smirked, "You've got guts, kid."

"No, I'm taking a couple of steps backward since that was freakin' loud!!" Link twisted his pinky inside his ear, " Honestly, that's what I call lung power!"

"He'd make a great public speaker," Navi added.

"I am a public speaker! You have to be one if you lead a group of thieves in the desert. Honestly, the only place I can give a speech to the whole population is from the top of the fortress! Do you realize how loud I have to yell?" Ganondorf snarled.

Link and Navi stared.

"That's nice?" Navi said tentatively.

"Silence, you Firefly!"

"Gah! Why does everyone think I'm some sort of insect?!" Navi fumed.

Ganondorf glared threateningly at the duo of heroes.

"Okay, enough of this!" Link shouted.

Link drew his sword.

"LINK!" Navi yelled, "I know that you are a wonderful artist but this isn't the time for DRAWING!!!"

Link lifted his head up from behind his large sketchpad.

"But my sword… I just got a sudden urge to draw it!" Link complained.

Link moved his pencil around furiously as he drew a stick figure of his sword.

"Still!" Navi hissed, "This is not the time!!"

"Heh heh heh… Are you challenging me?!" Ganondorf smirked.

Link's head peaked out from behind the sketchpad, "I never said that!"

"But you were thinking it…" Ganondorf said.

Link dropped his sketchpad and clasped his cheeks.

"Navi!! Do you think he's like Ruto?!" Link turned toward the fairy.

"Link, that has got to be the stupidest—" Navi started.

Link flipped over onto the next page of his sketchbook, "Hey mister…"

"The name is Ganondorf!" Ganondorf snapped, "But it's King of Evil to you!"

"Well, Mister Ganondorf King of Evil, sir…" Link said, "Upon deciding to draw you on the next page, I discovered something… Did you know that you look like a balding monkey?"

Ganondorf burst out laughing, "Very funny! I like your attitude!"

"Sad thing is…" Navi flew up to Ganondorf's ear, "He's not kidding…"

"Impudent little—!!" Ganondorf growled.

Ganondorf lifted his hand out towards Link, and out shot another Black Ball of magic out at Link. Link lifted up his sketchbook in an attempt to block this shock, however, what resulted was the scorching of the previous page.

"Pathetic little fool! Do you realize who you're dealing with?!" Ganondorf asked.

"Hey! I had a drawing on that page!" Link exclaimed, "Great! Now I'm going to have to draw it all over again!"

"I said do you realize who you're dealing with?!" Ganondorf yelled.

Link's little eyes glared behind the top edge of the sketchbook, "I am dealing with Ganondorf, the balding monkey!"

Ganondorf glared menacingly at the boy, "I am Ganondorf! And I am not a balding monkey!"

The Kokiri's glare didn't waver, "Look in the mirror, pal!"

Ganondorf turned his head away from the boy, "And soon, I will rule the world!"

"But the princess said you were going to take over her jewelry collection!" Navi said.

Ganondorf gave a shout and began his pursuit of Zelda once more. Who was probably at the other end of the world by now.

"That too!" Ganondorf's voice called out.

Suddenly, the Sun re-popped out from behind the horizon. Clouds cleared overhead, and the lanterns put themselves out. It was the middle of the afternoon once more.

"That was weird…" Link paused.

"I still think it was staged," Navi said.

"Well, I guess we won't be going to the Castle now," Link said, "Now the Princess is in another castle!"

"So, I guess we should head straight to the mall then," Navi said.

"What about that thing she threw into the river?" Link pointed behind him.

"First of all, that's a moat, Link," Navi said, "And second of all, Zelda chucked that thing pretty close to you. Heck, for all we know, she was trying to slug you."

"B-bu-but for all we know, it could be something important," Link said, "What if it's what this game is named after?"

"Link, it belonged to the Princess," Navi said, "And I have a feeling that we won't be seeing her for a few years. Do you really want something that belonged to her?"

Link sighed, "You're the one with the princess phobia, not me."

Before Navi could protest further, Link jumped in the moat, and swam to the bottom. As soon as he grabbed the royal blue object, he automatically swam to the surface. DUN UN UN UNN! Link got the Ocarina of Time! Something that sounds extremely important to the plot…How, we're not quite sure…
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The world around them turned into a misty land of white backgrounds, with a black and white Link and Navi standing in front of a black and white figure of Princess Zelda. She had her back turned to them due to the fact that she was standing in front of an altar. This altar had three empty holes to place objects within. Zelda, on the other hand, appeared to Link with her hair loose with the black headband like before.

"Link… Can you hear me? It's me, Zelda…" Zelda told Link.

"I think we can tell," Navi said, "Who else can trap Link in a flashback while he's in the middle of a moat?"

Link rubbed his chin with his hand, "I wonder if I'm floating downstream."

"And besides, what on Hyrule happened to you're hair?" Navi examined the loose blonde hair.

Zelda shrugged, "I don't quite remember… But I think Ganondorf burned my hat in revenge for me taking his jewel."

Link patted Zelda on the back, "My sympathies."

Zelda pointed triumphantly to the jewel on her headband, "But I still have it!"

"You still have my sympathies…" Link said.

"Look! I need to tell you the important stuff before the time runs out!" Zelda yelled.

"Wait…" Navi paused, "What do you mean by that?"

Link scratched his head, "There's a time limit?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Zelda sighed, "Anyways, Link, when you hold this ocarina in your hand…I won't be around anymore…"

"Thank you for stating the obvious," Navi said.

"I wonder if she has an Up Button Command too," Link paused.

Zelda glared at Navi, "Well, I wanted to wait for you, but I couldn't delay any longer. Not with the King of Evil at my heels."

Link turned his head to the side, "Still, you didn't have to chuck this thing at me."

Link lifted up the ocarina.

Zelda sighed, "The least I could leave you the ocarina and this melody. This song opens the Door of Time…"

Zelda put her lips up to the Ocarina of Time and played a tune on it. Link followed by also putting the Ocarina of Time to his lips. This made one wonder where they got the second Ocarina of Time. DUH NUH NUH NUH NU NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link leaned the Song of Time!

"Now, Link. Play this melody in front of the altar in the Temple of Time," Zelda said.

Link raised his eyebrow, "I'm not quite sure what that'll do, but okay…"

Zelda grabbed Link's shoulders, "You must protect the Triforce. BECAUSE IT'S MINE!"
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When Link broke out of this flashback, he found that he had somehow gotten on top of the drawbridge. How this works, no one will ever know…

Link looked at Saria's ocarina, "What should I do with my old ocarina?"

Navi paused, "Hmmm… Well, I wouldn't recommend throwing out… Considering that Saria gave that to you and all…"

"I know…" Link said, "That's why I'm asking you what to do with it."

There was a small pause, "OH! I know! Give it to me!" Navi exclaimed, "I've always wanted to compose my own music!"

Link shrugged, "Fine… Have it…"

Link handed the Fairy Ocarina to Navi.

"Oh goody!" Navi could not withhold her smile.

"Just remember, I put my lips on that," Link said nonchalantly.

Navi gasped and threw Saria's Ocarina in moat when Link wasn't looking.

"So… Where to now?" Link asked.

"Hmmm…" Navi paused, "I think you should go inside the Town and go into the back alley until you see a guard lying on ground and talk to him."

"Pardon?" Link said.

"Err… Just go, already," Navi told Link.
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Link decided the best thing to do was to do what Navi said, and he entered Market Town. As soon as he entered, he saw something that caught his eye. He walked towards it. It was a large, boarded up building, with an illegible sign.

"Hmmm…" Link paused, "I seem to remember something being here before… Now, what was it…?"

"Umm…" Navi bit her lip.

Link peered closely at the old sign. A "B" could be seen at the very beginning, but boards covered the name of the store until the last letter "R". Link peered through a crack in the boarded up windows. Inside, he saw a faint outline of a man with a large beard. The man shuffled quickly into the back room.

"Hmmm, that face…" Link stroked his chin, "It seems very familiar…"

"Link, I can't believe you haven't figured it out," Navi sighed.

Link eyed Navi, "What do you mean?"

"Look, here, Captain Oblivious," Navi groaned, "don't you remember how you got your metal shield?!"

Link blinked, "No."

"How about a man who called us 'Kind Sir' and 'Kind Butterfly'?" Navi prompted, "Has three children and a wife?"

"No," Link repeated.

"Augh. Just forget about it," Navi sighed.
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Link, with some direction for Navi, wandered into the back alley she had mentioned earlier. And there really was a Guard lying there. Surprise! Surprise!

"Unngh… Are you the boy from the forest…?" the Guard asked.

Link turned to Navi, "You are getting too good at this."

"I—" the Guard spluttered.

Navi turned her back on Link, "You can never be too good at something."

"Quiet! He might be trying to tell us something!" Link snapped.

"Relax," Navi waved her hand at Link, "It's not like he's dying."

"I-I-I've finally met you… I-I-I have something to t-t-tell you…" the Guard coughed, "Ganondorf, the Gerudo King of Thieves, betrayed our king…"

Link rolled his eyes, "Who saw that coming?"

"Zelda's nanny, Impa, sensed the danger and escaped from the castle with our princess. I tried to stop Ganondorf's men from chasing them…but…the princess was…waiting for a boy from the forest… That's you… She wanted to give something to the boy," blood trickled down from the Guard's mouth, "If you received it from the princess, hurry…to the Temple of Time…"

The Guard stopped moving.

"Is he dead?" Navi asked.

"Not quite," Link told Navi.

Navi stared at Link out of the corner of her eye, "Of course he's dead! He has to be dead! See, Link? He's not moving anymore!"

"Just because he's not moving doesn't mean he's dead," Link said.

Navi rolled her eyes, "After all that killing you've done, I would've thought you would be able to tell whether a person is dead or not."

The supposedly dead Guard coughed, spluttered, and then died.

Link's face beamed, "Now he's dead!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Navi mumbled, "Let's go check out the mall already."

"But shouldn't we be considerate of this nice dead guy's feelings and go to the Temple of Time?" Link asked.

"Alright! Fine!" Navi grumbled, "But you know, one of these days you'll realize that you'll never get anything done if you keep doing stuff for others rather than for yourself."

"But I'm going to the mall for your sake," Link said.

"Shut up and keep moving," Navi said.
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After a few minutes of getting lost within Castle Town, Link found a large temple, presumably the Temple of Time. And, sure enough, it was beside a large mall. However, despite Navi's complaints, Link entered the Temple of Time instead. Inside, there was a large, empty room with a small altar in the center. On the altar, there was a large inscription, and below it were three holes embedded in the pedestal.

"So…" Link looked around, "Now what?"

"Hey! Look!" Navi exclaimed.

"Oh, let me guess, 'Listen' comes next, right?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Ha ha, anyways, there's something written on here," Navi said dryly.

"That's great, Navi!" Link exclaimed, "Especially since I can't read!!"

Navi stared at the Kokiri, "Okay, that's it. My sarcasm is rubbing off on you."

"What's sarcasm?" Link asked.

"Shut up and listen," Navi said.

"I told you 'listen' came next!" Link exclaimed.

"Ahem: 'Ye who owns three Spiritual Stones, stand with the Ocarina of Time and play the Song of Time.'" Navi read with a little more bite to her voice than necessary.

"You gonna say 'watch out' now?" Link asked.

"Shut up and play the stinkin' Song of Time already!" Navi snapped.

Link held the Ocarina up to his lips, "You know, you keep telling me what to do, and when I listen to you, you usually turn out right. If we're not careful, you'll turn out to be the hero."

Link put the ocarina up to his lips, and stood before the altar. The three Spiritual Stones he had flew up, and circled in the air, and placed themselves in the notches in the pedestal. Suddenly, what Link initially mistook for a wall, suddenly opened, revealing a hidden chamber behind it.

"Aw crap!" Link put his hands on his hips, "There go the Princess's jewels…"

Navi glared at the boy, "Link… Would you hurry up—"

"Just hold on a minute," Link said, "Now, maybe if I…"

Link reached his hand to a Spiritual Stone. His hand passed straight through it. In a desperate attempt to still grab hold of the stone, he began to flap his hand widely in what seemed to be within the stone.

"Almost… I…" Link muttered while doing this, "Eeeeh! …Eeeeeehhhh!!!"

Navi grabbed onto Link's ear, "Well, come on then!"

"Eee!! Noooo!" were Link's protests as Navi dragged him toward the next room.

Thus Link was dragged through the inconspicuous door. Aptly named the Door of Time. In the distance, Navi saw something.

"Link, isn't that…?!" Navi asked

Navi flew over to a sword.

"It's that legendary blade… The Master Sword!" Navi exclaimed, "Wait, where are you going?!"

Link had started to run back into the other room.

"I'll be right back!" Link said, "Just as soon as I grab onto that stone—"

"Link, come back here!" Navi snarled.

Link glared at the fairy, "You're a real party pooper, you know that?"

Link hesitantly walked up to the Master Sword. After a moment of standing in front of it, his face lit up.

"This will be an excellent drawing subject!" Link sat on the ground and took out his sketchpad, "Especially with the light shining onto the sword like that! Diagonal lines like these are very vital in dramatic scenes like this!"

"LINK!!! You were the one that wanted to come here!" Navi barked, "If you are going to waste my time then I might as well go shopping!"

"B-bu-bu-but…" Link pouted.

Navi glared at the Kokiri.

"You take the fun out of this place," Link grumbled.

Link stood up, and, to make Navi happy, pulled a King Arthur and pulled the Master Sword out of it's pedestal. But, as soon as he had done so, he could feel the looming evil presence of some demonic being…a being so dark, so EVIL that none in Hyrule could recognize who this figure was—

Link turned on the spot, "Hey, Ganondorf!"

"Geh heh heh!" Ganondorf laughed, "Excellent work! As I thought, you held the keys to the Door of Time! You have led me to the gates of the Sacred Realm… Yes I owe it all to you, kid!"

As Link's world faded away from his vision, he could hear Ganondorf laughing evilly/cheesily behind him.