Totally Messed Chapter 10 p.1

Chapter 10
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What would happen if the Zora's Domain was taken over by Jello(TM)?
Wonder no more! …Wait, what? Jello(TM)? Seriously? What is up with some of these chapter questions? Ahem. On with the story!
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Link and Navi trotted into Zora's Domain after overcoming some traumatic waterfall memories.

"Man, I love the shortcuts in the Lost Woods," Navi hummed.

Link wrung out his hat. "I guess, but did I have to get wet—whoa."

Link stared at the Zora's Domain. He saw a cavern frosted over with layers of gelatin. Link bent down to a nearby thicker patch and poked it.

"What is this stuff?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Let me ask the more important question and say what the %&*@ happened here?!" Navi let out.

"I fail to see how that's more important," Link stood up.

"And I fail to see how you fail to see how you're an idiot," Navi said. "Now let's keep going."

Navi flew on ahead.

Link nodded in agreement. "True, tru—hey!"

Link charged after her. Soon they arrived at the King Zora, sitting in his usual spot. However, he was encompassed completely in a red gelatinous substance.

Link licked it experimentally.

"Mmmm…" Link licked his lips. "Cherry flavoured."

"Ewww!" Navi let out. "Don't eat it!"

"How else are we supposed to get him out of there?" Link asked.

Navi zipped into Link's inventory.

"H-Hey!" Link protested.

Navi reemerged with Din's Fire.

"With firepower, of course!" Navi smirked.

"Warn me before you do something like that!" Link huffed.

"Okay, maybe," Navi said. "Anyway, are you going to burn this place to kingdom come or do I get to do the honours?"

Navi snickered in anticipation.

"I'll do it, thank you," Link swiped the spell out of her hands. "After the story you told me about your high school, I don't think I can trust you with something like this."

"Spoil sport," Navi grumbled.

Link held the diamond spell in his hand and concentrated all his magic into it. Soon, the signature red dome surrounded Link. It burst out in all directions, leaving a scorched trail in its wake.

The red goop remained unscathed.

"That was disappointing," Link paused. "Who knew that cherry flavouring's sheer amount of awesomeness made it fireproof?"

"No, no! You're obviously doing it wrong!" Navi snatched the spell again. "Here. Let me show you how it's done."

Navi swooped down and grabbed the diamond spell out of Link's hand. Soon the signature fiery dome shot out, indicating that she had successfully cast the spell.

The red gelatin barely even jiggled.

There was a pause.

"Okay, um…" Navi bit her lip. "T-That was just bad execution. Here goes."

Navi cast the spell once more, leaving burnt sea life in its wake. She glared at the gelatin standing mockingly intact.

"Oh, come on!" Navi let out.

Navi cast Din's Fire yet again.

"Why!"

And again.

"Isn't!"

And again.

"It!"

And again.

"Working?!"

Navi was about to cast it one more time, but a charred gantlet grabbed Din's Fire out of her clutches. Navi turned around. Link's blackened face coughed out puffs of ash. His tunic and gantlets were nothing but semi-charred remains that loosely held together. Navi stared at the top of the screen. Link only had three hearts. He managed to keep his hat somewhat intact, though.

Navi looked around her. Surrounding her were blackened walls, smoldering gelatin, and brooks carrying the residue downstream. If Zora's Domain's air didn't have a high water concentration, the place would have been in shambles.

"Let's leave the hat intact, okay?" Link coughed out some more smoke.

"Augh! I knew this thing wasn't working," Navi muttered to herself. "I'm never visiting that slut of a fairy ever again!"

"I thought we were never going to see them again anyway," Link added.

"That's besides the point," Navi huffed.

"So, um," Link rubbed some soot off his face, "apart from my completely unrealistic aftermath from fire, do you have any suggestions on what we should do?"

"You can go back to eating the stuff if you want," Navi grumbled.

"Okay," Link shrugged.

Link began nibbling away at the red goo. His health went up a quarter of a heart.

"Wat is dis stuff, anywais?" Link said with a mouthful of goop. "It's delicious."

Navi dipped her finger in it and licked it. "I wasn't serious, you know. And…mmm… It is kinda tangy."

Navi paused.

"What am I doing—I don't know how long this stuff has been on the Zora King's body!" Navi spat the goop out.

"Wat was dat?" Link looked up.

"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Go back to eating. It may not be the best thing for you, but it is the first time I've ever seen you eat in a while."

Link began devouring the gelatin once more. Navi paused. She looked at the ceiling. She looked at Link. Still munching. She looked at the walls. Then at Link. Still at it. She looked at her wrist, realized the gesture wasn't productive in this time period, then back at Link again.

"Okay, this is taking too long," Navi said. "Come on. Let's spite the fat lard of Zora and go behind him without his permission."

If Navi didn't know better, she could have sworn the King Zora was glaring at her.

"But it's recovering my HP—" Link protested.

Navi pointed at the exit. "Now."

Link wiped bits of the sugary gelatinous mix off his face. He sighed and ran off after Navi, who was flying down the hallway.
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To say that Zora's Fountain had changed over the years would be an understatement. Link could barely believe his eyes when he laid eyes upon the place. Everywhere Link looked there was nothing but brightly coloured gelatin. Gelatin water, gelatin platforms, and even a gelatin cave off in the distance. It was like blatant product placement, only without the companies contacting the authoress.

Apparently, Jabu Jabu couldn't stand the sight of the goop either, since he was nowhere to be found.

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous," Navi said. "As tasty as it may be, nobody can like this stuff that much."

"You know, maybe they didn't," Link pondered. "Maybe one of Ganondorf's minions bought a whole bunch of packages, but didn't know what to do with it, so they dumped all the contents in the fountain. What they didn't expect, however, was for the temperatures to drop to the point where the gelatin to fully form."

"Must restrain urge to ridicule…" Navi grumbled.

Link hopped across the surface of the gelatin, and made his way into the cave in the side of the wall.
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Hours of Jello(TM) traversing later…

"Oh my Farore, I am sick of eating all this…this…stuff!" Link let out.

"Well, at least your HP is at max," Navi said.

A clear gelatin monster slid over to Link. It spat Jello(TM) at him.

"Though, I have to admit, that is hilarious," Navi snickered.

Link wiped the goop off his face. "Why do I get the feeling I won't get a heart container after all this?"

"Well, at least it's almost—hey," Navi looked up. "What's that?"

Link brushed the gelatin off his arms and looked up. There, up on a higher ledge, was a strange blue glowing thing that resembled a giant flame. Link climbed up.

"Wow, this is cool," Link examined the glowing object closer.

"Saaaay!" Navi's face lit up. "Maybe if we bottle up the blue fire, we can use it against the red stuff around the king."

"But it's not fire," Link said. "It's the same stuff as all the rest."

"What are you talking about? Of course it's fire—" Navi began.

Navi reached out and touched the floating mass. To her horror, and slight disgust, it, too, was gelatinous. Navi stared down at the pedestal. On it was a sign that read 'Blueberry Jello(TM)'. Beneath that it said 'contains no traces of nut products'.

"Jello(TM)?" Navi blinked.

"What?" Link asked.

"It's what it says," Navi said. "It's apparently called 'Jello(TM)'."

"Maybe that's what the other stuff is called too," Link pondered.

"Whatever, so maybe it is," Navi huffed. "Can we use it somehow?"

Link took a bite. "It's tasty," he admitted.

"Okay, so now what?" Navi groaned. "We can't use the blue 'Jello(TM)' to burn the red Jello(TM). That…that just doesn't physics. Period."

Link took another bite.

"Say, I wonder how the blue gell stuff would taste with the stuff on the king," Link pondered.

Navi paused, staring at Link. If this fic was any cartoonier, a light bulb would have appeared above her head.

"I hope you have hollow legs," Navi smirked.

"Huh?" Link blinked.

"Just bottle it up," Navi huffed.

Link raised an eyebrow, but complied. Link hopped down, and continued his trek through the gelatin mania
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Link and Navi soon came across a room different from the others. It was littered with crystals and twinkled in the soft light Navi emitted. Link paused.

"Why do I get the feeling that I have to fight a boss here?" Link sighed.

"Because rooms that look different from the main temple or dungeon are obviously boss rooms," Navi said. "…We've been at this too long."

Link nodded. "That we ha—"

Link froze.

"Link? Why did you cut off like that?" Navi paused.

Link didn't move. Navi followed his gaze. There, at the other end of the room stood a large, white, Wolfos. It charged towards them.

"Uhhh…" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Awwwwww!" Link cooed.

The wolf stopped dead in its tracks. "Arf?"

The wolf sat down and tilted its head to the side. Link dashed toward it, his arms outstretched.

"Oh, not this again," Navi slapped her forehead.

"It's so cute~! I'm going to name it Wigijigiland!" Link hugged Wigijigiland around the middle. "Don't you think that it's a lovely name?"

Wigijigiland started to gnaw on Link's leg.

"Where the crap do you get all these weird names?!" Navi buzzed up and down. "Can't you just name it 'Jim' like a normal person?!"

Link covered Wigijigiland's ears. "Navi! Don't hurt Wigijigiland's feelings like that!"

"Will you stop befriending Wolfos'!" Navi snapped. "Besides, this one's the boss."

"But it's too cute for us to fight!" Link smiled at Wigijigiland. "I know! He can be our cute and lovable partner on our adventures!"

Link's statement was lost on Navi, as Wigijigiland had clamped his jaws shut over her.

"Mmmm, mm mmm mmm'm mmm mm mmm mm mmmm mmmm mmmmmmm, m mmmmmm m'mm—!" Navi's muffled yelling was heard from Wigijigiland's muzzle.

(Translation note: 'Link, if you don't get me out of here this instant, I swear I'll—!')

"What?" Link asked with his hand over his ear, "I didn't catch that."

Wigijigiland shook himself loose from Link's grasp. It turned and charged toward Link again. It leapt into the air, paws extended towards our hero's face. Link opened his arms, about to welcome the embrace.

"Wigijigiland!" Link declared. "Come to Papa!"

Wigijigiland accidentally stabbed himself on Link's sword and died.

"Nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooo—!" Link fell to his knees in despair, "My poor Wigijigiland! It was too young to die!!"

Navi whizzed out of Wigijigiland's slack jaw. "Link, don't make me troll you again."

"Do what?" Link blinked.

"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Just get the chest already."

Navi pointed to the chest in the corner.

"But don't I at least get the chance to mourn my best friend of all time?" Link protested.

"That won't be necessary," Navi said, "since I'm still alive. Anyway. Treasure. Get it."

"You are so bossy, you know that?" Link grumbled.

"And you're stupid," Navi sighed. "I honestly don't know why the goddesses assigned you to the job as the Cho—"

"Shoes!" Link exclaimed.

Navi looked over to see Link trying on shoes. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH!! Link got Iron Boots! Which just look like his regular boots with metal weights on the bottom. Lame?

"Link, you can't be serious," Navi said.

Link didn't skip a beat, and put them on.

"These are soooo cool!" Link's face lit up. "Now I'll weigh, like, a thousand pounds!"

Navi stared speechless as Link began admiring himself with them on. Sheik fell from the ceiling. Sheik took a step back in surprise.

"Navi, do these make me look fa—hello," Link coughed.

"No wonder fandom can't decide if you're straight," Navi said.

"What in Nayru's name are you doing?" was all Sheik could let out.

"Erm, it's, um, not what it looks like," Link blushed.

"Uh, yes. Yes it is," Navi said.

"Hey! It was your idea to come here and mock the king," Link crossed his arms. "It's not like there are any manly minigames I could play with the Zoras instead, anyway."

"If you came here to meet the Zoras, you wasted your time… This is all there is… With one exception, the Zoras are now sealed under this thick ice sheet…" Sheik explained.

"I'm guessing he didn't get the memo," Link whispered.

"Memo?" Sheik blinked.

"The gelatin stuff is apparently called 'Jello'," Navi said. "And my guess is that belongs to some well-known business, since the authoress keeps slapping on '(TM)' after it. I think she's trying to avoid legal issues."

"Gelatin…stuff?" Sheik blinked.

There was a long pause.

"Sheik, didn't it strike you as a bit odd when the 'ice' started wobbling under your feet?" Navi asked.

"Now that you mention it," Sheik pondered, "it was suspiciously easy to chisel her…"

"Whatever," Navi sighed. "What did you want to tell us?"

"…I managed to rescue the Zora Princess from under the ice—" Sheik started.

"Jello(TM)," Link lifted up a correcting finger.

"…'Jello(TM)'," Sheik rolled his eyes. "but…she left to head for the Water Temple… This Jello(TM) is created by an evil curse…"

"Jello(TM) created by an evil curse?" Navi asked in disbelief.

"Or a monster who was drunk at Cosco," Link added.

"What is up with all this advertising this chapter?!" Navi let out.

"The monster in the Water Temple is the source of the curse," Sheik continued.

"So…" Link paused, "the boss of the Water Temple was drunk at Cosco?"

"Link, stop it!" Navi smacked his head. "You don't even have a clue what Cosco is."

"Unless you shut off the source, this ice—I mean Jello(TM), will never melt…" Sheik said.

"So Jello(TM) can melt," Link gasped.

"But Din's Fire doesn't do a thing," Navi said. "What do you suggest?"

"If you have enough courage to confront the danger and save the Zoras, I will teach you the melody that leads to the Temple." Sheik explained.

"That doesn't exactly sound effective," Navi said. "Got any other ideas?"

"No," Sheik shot a glare at Navi. "Now shut up and listen to my poetry."

"Tch, poetry's for losers," Link huffed.

"Link, I thought you would have grown to appreciate the fine arts," Navi protested.

"Poetry's still for losers."

"Bah, don't mind him, Sheik," Navi said. "Now, go on."

"Time passes, people move…. Like a river's flow, it never ends…" Sheik began.

"But Jello(TM) just stays in one place," Link added.

"Shh!" Navi whispered.

"…A childish mind will turn to noble ambition… Young love will become deep affection… The clear water's surface reflects growth…" Sheik spoke a little louder.

"Oh Din," Link paled. "I forgot about Ruto."

"Now listen the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself… Play the Serenade of Water!" Sheik exclaimed.

Navi started to clap.

"Thank you, thank you," Sheik bowed.

"And you were calling me girly?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Link!" Navi hissed. "Don't diss poets! Do you know how much girls dig guys who write poetry?!"

Link raised an eyebrow. "They do?"

"Sensitive girls, mostly, but they do!" Navi said.

"…Unfortunately," Sheik seemed to deflate a little.

Sheik took out his harp out of seemingly nowhere, as always, and played the Serenade of Water. Link whipped out his ocarina and played it back. DUH NUH NUH NUH NU NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link learned Serenade of Water! Warping song number three in the bag!

"Link… I'll see you again…" Sheik told Link.

Sheik threw a Deku Nut and vanished. Link stumbled around blindly.

"Huh," Navi paused. "I just realized that I'm not affected by those. I love being an NPC."

"You lucky little—uagh!" Link let out.

There was a loud splash. Navi looked over at a nearby hole in the ground.

"Great," Navi groaned. "He's still wearing those iron boots, isn't he?"

Navi dove into the water.
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Link heaved his way into Zora's Domain. Dragging one foot forward and slamming it on the ground. He did the same with the other, water dripping off his hair.

"Link, this would be a lot easier without the iron boots on—" Navi repeated.

"No, no, a thousand times no!" Link grunted with each step. "I just got my first new pair of boots in seven years and I wanna wear them!"

"Those things weigh a ton," Navi said. "They kept you at the bottom of the fountain and if I didn't share my air bubble, you would have drowned. You're being ridiculous."

"What I'm being," Link panted, "is practical."

"Bah, whatever," Navi huffed. "I'm obviously not going to get anywhere with that attitude."

Link stomped over to the Jello encased Zora King.

"Okay," Link smiled. "We're here. Wait, why were we seeing the Zora King again?"

"Just give me your bottle," Navi sighed. "The one with the blue Jello."

Link paused and hesitantly gave the bottle to Navi. Navi ripped open the cork after getting a good grip, and wedged the blue gelatin into the red. After a few minutes of fidgeting, the goop had turned purple.

"Uhhh…" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Now eat," Navi demanded.

"Uh, when I wondered how they tasted together, I didn't actually want to find out. And, no offense, but, um," Link bit his lip, "didn't we already try this?"

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," Navi said.

"Okay," Link leaned over and took a bite, "but I still have my—OH MY DIN, THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER TASTED, EVER!"

Link devoured the Jello(TM) like there was no tomorrow.

"Product placement gone wrong, that's what this is," Navi sighed.

Soon…

"Ouch!"

"Did you say something, Navi?" Link looked up.

"Oh hey!" Navi exclaimed. "You've got most of the King out."

"I'll take it from here," the King Zora used his exposed arm to shoo Link away.

"But it's so yummy—" Link protested.

"Link, shut up," Navi said. "He might give us stuff. We don't want to upset him."

"So, I assume it was you two who saved me," the King began picking Jello off his arm.

"You are correct," Navi rolled her eyes. "Of course, Mister Girly Girl here insisted on taking a detour in the fountain. Almost drowned himself because of it."

"Hey! New shoes, you wear 'em!" Link protested. "There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Unless they drag you to the bottom of every body of water and you almost drown because of it," Navi said. "Then, yes, it is very much a problem."

"It looks like you have a hard time breathing under water," the King Zora noted.

"Just a little," Link shrugged.

"Definitely," Navi groaned.

"As an expression of my gratitude, I grant you this tunic," the King nodded. "With this, you won't choke under water."

The Zora King pulled a blue tunic from out of his cape.

"…You were carrying that around," Navi paused, "all this time, all these years, under your cape?"

"Indeed," the King Zora nodded. "What of it?"

"Why?" Link and Navi asked in unison.

"I—! …I don't remember. I'll have to think about that," the King began to ponder.

"Bah, never mind, just give it to us," Navi sighed.

DUN UN UN UNN! Link got the Zora's tunic! A blue tunic that makes him look hotter than usual!

"…Our narrator's weird," Link paused.

"Trust me, you don't know the half of it," Navi shuddered.

"And I have a feeling I don't want to," Link sighed. "Moving on."

"Ah, I see… Princess Ruto went to the Water Temple…" King Zora nodded.

"She did?" Link asked.

"Link, we've been over this. This is the power of the NPC," Navi whispered. "Apparently this means she's in the Water Temple. Wherever that is."

"Ohhhh…" Link nodded understandingly.

"Not to mention that Sheik told us that she went there," Navi added. "But having NPC powers helps."

"The power of what?" the King blinked.

"…We'll be going now," Link pointed behind him.

Link stormed out of Zora's Domain, clanking all the way.
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Eventually, Navi got fed up with Link's slow traversing and told him to play the new song he learned. Link then played the Serenade of Water. This warped him to an island in the middle of Lake Hylia. Lake Hylia had been drained of most of its water, except for a small pool at the bottom of the island Link stood on. In the pool was a large gate.

"Huh," Link looked around. "Weird."

"Seems a bit," Navi paused, "out of the way, compared to the others."

Navi jolted.

"Those Iron Boots look like they weigh a ton! If you wear those boots, you might be able to walk to the bottom of a lake," Navi told Link.

"So now you want me to wear these?" Link asked.

"That was O.N.A. you dolt," Navi said.

"I thought I said to quit it with the insults," Link huffed.

"You're making that very hard. Trust me," Navi sighed.

"I don't have to put up with this," Link stormed off. "I'm going to—uagh!"

There was a loud splash. Navi looked over the edge of the platform they stood on. Link sunk like a stone.

"Put your new tunic on, you twit!" Navi called out.

By the sizeable amount of bubbles that floated to the surface, Navi assumed Link was trying to yell at her. However, he seemed to comply. She flew under and joined him in her air bubble.

"So, how is it?" Navi asked.

Link gulped. "Breathing water is so weird."

"That's nice," Navi said. "Now let's get going. We have a medallion to get."

"And a fiancée to confront," Link shuddered.

"One thing at a time, Link," Navi said. "Besides, she's probably forgotten by now."

"Okay, fair enough," Link sighed.

Link used his Hookshot to pull out the pin holding the gate. Together they went in.